Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Welcome; The surviving blog of a Sodom survivor


I barely survived Sodom, but lived to blog about it.
To fully appreciate this blog, you should start reading from the bottom and work your way up.
Understanding the weekly Torah reading about the destruction of Sodom and Amora would be useful too.
Enjoy, Must go feed Moe.
Lot's Daughter

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Baaarf. (Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse)

In addition to my previous posting that I'm such an idiot...things got worse.
This lovely "morning sickness" has me throwing up in every direction.
And do I have a husband to help me out and buy me exotic flavors of goat ice-cream and pickled olives?
No...just me and my sister throwing up all morning.
I get up, make a run for the field, puke my guts out, and when I finally make it back to flop down on my oh-so-comfortable Sealy mattress of hay, my sister goes through the same motions, making me sick all over again.
Maybe I'll name my kid something really annoying.
If it's a boy...maybe something like...DovBear? Ezzie? Charlie? Lazer? MoC (does that rhyme with sock?) Jameel? CK? Krum? Elster? Jack? Treppenwitz? Joe? YellowBoy? Karl? Shtender? Gil? Gid? Elie? DatingMaster? Professor Justice? Jordan? Hyrax? Oliver? Toddler? Robbie? Both? SoccerDad? AirTime? What the heck are these names?
Fine. We'll just leave it as "Moav"...maybe I'll call him "Moe" for short.

Thursday, November 09, 2006


OK, do I feel stupid.

Perhaps even DUMBER than Kim Bauer felt when she realized that LA wasn't destroyed by a nuclear weapon.

No, scratch that. Definitely dumber.

Not only did I:

1. Lose my virginity
2. And my self respect
3. To my fath.......ick.
4. I also convinced my sister too. (fine, she was rather bitchy to me last week, so maybe she deserved it)

I think I'm going to be sick.

And all for what? To repopulate the planet and be some sort of modern Eve?


I'm going to be in therapy for years over this, I can see it now.

I'll tell you what. This won't be my last posting for a few reasons:

1. I keep getting fan-mail, so maybe I'll put up another post or two.
2. Stay tuned next week for a new biblical blog character. (suggestions and comments welcomed! Even Criticism)
3. Too much fun.
4. Thanks to DovBear for his link to my blog. Brought in over 400 hits! WooHoo! You hear me, DovBear is the coooolest! (Even if he thinks the Rashbam is reality, when it obviously isn't.)

PS: Don't forget to read the Parshas Shavua this week...

Monday, November 06, 2006

Last Night. Ungh

I even managed to creep myself out last night.

What the hell was I thinking?

It was getting late and the sun starting to drop low in the sky, when we reached the mountain-cave for shelter.

We walked for hours without seeing a soul.


No one.


It was then that the horrible truth set in. The planet had been destroyed once again. First there was the cataclysmic flood in the time of Noah. Yes, there was a flood, and the entire planet was covered in water. Don't believe the skeptics who say otherwise.

This was no bushy-tailed Kim Bauer fake-out, "hah hah, fooled you into thinking that God dropped a nuclear bomb on Sodom...why don't you spend some time with me in a mountain-cave..."

This was the real thing.

The last remaining remnants of humanity were my father, my sister, and I.

Running through my teenaged mind was the awful feeling that I would have to repopulate the planet by myself...a modern era Eve.

Yet what could be more gross...


I didn't even want to think about it.

The way the story is recorded is that I got my dad drunk. Truth is, I got him drunk, and then finished the rest of the wine-skin myself.

If you think I was going to do some repopulating, in a perfectly conscious state of mind, well then you're sicker than I am. Hear me? You're SICK.

In fact, you're probably reading this right now wondering what level of detail I'm going to go into.

You have this fetish for ALL the details, don't you?

Your pulse is racing slightly faster than usual.

Mine would have been too, except that I had drunk myself silly.

To tell you the Baal's-honest truth, I have no clue how I managed the deed.

I will tell you this.

In the morning, when all was said and done, there are only 2 things I'm sure of:

1. My father would never again be able to offer his virgin daughter to a rape-mob again.
2. I got revenge on my dad for trying to throw me to the mob back in Sodom....he thought HE was screwing with me.

But we aren't done yet.

There's still the issue of my younger sister, and the day after that.

Join me back here soon....


My Mom - May She Stand in Peace.

We're high-tailing it out of Sodom.

"Don't look back, Don't look back!" My bastard father keeps yelling.

Who cares what the hell he thinks. Just last night he was ready to throw me to the dogs of Sodom for a free-for-all on me, and now we're running as fast as we can.

Don't know why, but I didn't look back when the flash came.

Perhaps I was happy those good-for-nothing gays in Sodom would finally get what was coming to them.

Maybe my mom forgot something or was longing for someone still there.

In a heartbeat, she went from being my mother who loved me, cared for me, and who chewed out my dad for offering me to the crowd last a godamn pillar of...salt.

Between last night and this morning, I'm still trying to digest everything that's happened in my life.

There's no one left anywhere.

Just my dad, my sister and me.

My mind is reeling an I can't think straight.

Our father is pulling us towards that mountain where he says there's a cave we can seek shelter in. I don't want to hear his voice or see him, but right now I'm too mentally exhausted to ignore him.

Update you soon.

I Hate My Father!

So we live here in Sodom.

Yes, it's a pretty sucky place, especially if you're straight. We moved here with my parents, a few months ago -- there's just my dad Lot, my mom, and my younger sister and I.

Everything's green, lush and straight out of a book of dreams. We're about a 12 hour donkey ride from Jericho and we're overlooking an amazing sea of crystal clear water.

The land is fertile and we do rather well since the land is so bountiful.

Problem is, the people here.

I'm not anti-gay or anything, and I'm rather tolerant as these things go, but last night was the worst.

Two gentlemen came to visit my dad, and they had this cool aura to them. My uncle Abey has the same sort of glow, but in a different way. Actually - it's rather attractive; as if they're "connected" with nature or something. Wonder if they're single?

Of course, strangers coming to town is a big issue here. The news spread like wildfire that we had guests, and before long, the entire town was crowded around our house banging on the walls, demanding that we turn over our guests...for the typical gang-rape that our town is so infamous for.

Luckily, we're on good terms with the king so people usually leave us alone. With the town being so anal, I don't even get cat-called.

But last night was the worst.

Everyone's banging away at the walls and doors, and I was totally freaked out by it all.

This was dad's problem and he'd have to deal with it. He invited these guests, and would deal with the consequences.

Thing's were really getting out of hand, and I couldn't even slink over to the computer and blog at all.

And then, my dad freaked me out.

He tried to reason with the crowd, and said, "I'll give you my 2 virgin daughters -- do whatever you want with them, just leave my guests alone."


Obviously, the crowd turned him down, since they aren't interested in virgin females...just young boys, or handsome gentlemen.

But me? I'm shocked that my father would even suggest for a second throwing me to that crowd.

What a bastard.

I'll get him back, and he'll regret screwing with me like that.

I've got to plan this carefully.

There's no DYFS, welfare or police worth reporting him to...but after we leave in the morning, I'll think of a plan.

And I'm going to so kill him for this. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.

Bastard. I hope he dies.

I can't think of anything worse for him.

I'll try to blog again tonight....will keep you posted.